Yes! A lot of teachers Ive spoken to say its more trouble than its worth to argue with parents, so they just change the grades, she says. But being a parent isnt about anxiously controlling your child. Maybe this scene is familiar. And in the end, the teacher and the parent need to come up with a plan together. As we hunted for chairs and huddled together around a table buried under a forest of papers, she looked at us through tired eyes and admitted that the semester had been a challenge. And although they also learn the basics of identifying dollars and cents as young as kindergarten, these foundational skills dont account for much in real life. I was a terrific writer, and was really engaged with creative If your smart child comes home with bad grades, try letting go of the usual battle and fight a new fight: the fight of faith to walk by the Fruit of the Spirit as you impart the message, You are Called and Capable. WebGuest over a year ago My parents never understand me they only care about my grades and that I should go to a Ivy League collage! What she doesnt realize, however, is that shes showing her love in a way that doesnt feel loving, because it leaves you feeling unseen, anxious, and inadequate. Title says it all.. My parents only care about my grades. Last Updated: April 4, 2023 As a parent, you cannot help your child learn to be responsible unless you let them take responsibility in their own educational process.. My parents only care about my grades. Probably not. and if you ask me.. i dont care as much about grades, for me.. if i know that im good in that specific subject but i still get low grades it doesnt really matter to me. If you tell your parents you are struggling and why, they might be able to help you. Living Their Kid's Lives and Planning Their Careers. I was a terrific writer, and was really engaged with creative Do you often find yourself struggling to please them when it comes to your grades and success in school? Spend time doing things with them and having fun. I am heavier than some of my friends, but Im not overweight. As a superintendent, he issued a survey asking teachers the following question: If a student aced all their projects and tests in a given class but never once handed in their homework, what grade would you give the student? As a parent, you cannot help your child learn to be responsible unless you let them take responsibility in their own educational process. How to get answers about your childs grades. Our schooling was like this from the starting. And that may be behind a new survey that finds 80 percent of youth say their parents care more about their achievements and happiness than about whether they are being kind. Ask kids how they feel about their grades and where they think they need help. jack gee, jr Uncategorized. But what if there was a better way to inspire change in your kids? If kids are struggling, Sweitzer believes parents should first try to understand why. And that may be behind a new survey that finds 80 percent of youth say their parents care more about their achievements and happiness than about whether they are being kind. Take effective notes in class and spend time each day looking them over, rather than only looking at them before a test. Our teachers are pretty chill and dont really give that much homework (besides one, shes kinda a bitch to me cause I called her out on something). When I Stopped Caring About My Kids' Grades, Everything Changed for the Better, Homework Doesn't Benefit Elementary School Kids, Evidenced-Backed Ways Parents Can Be Like Teachers, Here's How to Get Kids to Put Down Their Devices, From Good Housekeeping for Great Wolf Lodge, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. Parents dont often respond this way. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Children pick up on parents' anxiety about school performance and can internalize it, he says. Use your words to let them know you care, and that you are grateful that they care about you: Guys, Im really grateful that I have you here to help me. The clear message: When parents push achievement over compassion and decency, it sets the stage for stress, depression, anxiety, and poorer grades, which can be seen as early as the sixth grade. You might try creating a board where you keep track of your grades on major projects, tests, and assignments. Julia Simens, a school counselor based at an international school in Thailand, says she often hears parents complain about their childrens grades, when in reality they need to allow their children to experience failure. You might start out by saying that you appreciate how much she cares about your well-being, and that you know she believes her efforts are for your benefit. When your kid gets straight As, its cause for a celebratory dinner out. The clear message: When parents push achievement over compassion and decency, it sets the stage for stress, depression, anxiety, and poorer grades, which can be seen as early as the sixth grade. Gifting them with independence and perseverance is my legacy to them one I hope theyll carry to their benefit throughout their lives. Ive been wanting to address these issues with my mom for a while now, but Im afraid I will be scolded by her. Dont you forget it! And Gigi is doing much better. Share Tweet. The association of punitive parenting practices and adolescent achievement. Theyre experiencing extreme parental pressure but believe that they either cant or dont know how to address it. Probably not. Fernando Campos is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the Founder of Avant-Garde Therapy in Davie, Florida. What if that way was to change your own attitude and approach? At a time when many high schools are regarded as less than adequate and there are fewer spots in good colleges (and fierce competition for scholarships to cover rising college costs) parents feel pressure to get their child on the right educational escalator as early as possible. Sick of It. Discuss why being unkind, backstabbing others, or being selfish or spoiled can harm relationships. With so much invested in her educational uplift, Id come to view her grades as a reflection of my own success, and this C was screaming that Id failed. Salina Jivani has been a writer by passion and profession for over a decade; her works include feature stories, articles and posts in publications such as WIRED and HuffPost. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. This is especially true if parents value grades and achievement over things like empathy, compassion, kindness,and social skills. I thought they were going to kill me. But what if there was a better way to inspire change in your kids? One of the most important learnings for children, says Sweitzer, is for them to be able to trust themselves, but that can only happen when we trust them. A way to establish that trust, he believes, is by letting children be responsible for their own work based on whats developmentally appropriate. Write the grade down when you receive it, and this way you parents can be involved and see how youre doing. They plan their children's lives from birth to marriage to career and beyond. Not only will it feel good as you check off things on the list, but it can help you feel more organized and not lose track of things you still need to do. I have a "problem" i always get stressed in exams so i sometimes read questions in the wrong way, which leads to me getting low grades even though im good in that subject. I wasnt surprised that happiness was ranked the highest, but I was surprised that achievement was ranked so high.. Most students spend years learning how to solve increasingly challenging math equations in school (often ones that, though we tell them the opposite, theyll never use again). It might be tempting to jump in and interrupt your parents with your own ideas and arguments, but try to let them finish before you do so. 74, My child is not living up to his potential!, My child cant stay off social media when its time to do homework.. Cheating is not the answer, and it is dishonest and unfair. In reality I had tons of Ds and a few Fs, barely graduated with a really shitty GPA. Im glad that you reached out, because so many teenagers feel exactly as you do. Try starting with something like, I know youre upset with me and you think I can do better, and I know you are right, and that I should try harder.. Ask kids how they feel about their grades and where they think they need help. Students said that achievement was the most important value and thought their peers would agree. Living Their Kid's Lives and Planning Their Careers. So fuck it, lol. Social researcher Johnathan McKee in his book Parenting Generation Screen: Guiding Your Kids to Be Wise in a Digital World, says, Its not that screens are bad, but theyve inarguably exposed kids to greater risks to their physical safety and mental health.. J Youth Adolesc. Hopefully your letter will open up a different kind of conversation that will help create more understanding between you. From the time my daughter was a toddler, Id invested in books, math games, phonics puzzles and an endless reservoir of DVDs, online programs, flashcards and resources centered around learning. Thats what they say but they dont listen when I tell them its too much. This check-in could be something you put on your schedule to do every few days. Im 14 years old and Im having problems with my mom. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Our fights get louder by the day!, When youre constantly fighting with kids who dont live up to their potential, we suggest a new approach, a new fight: the fight of faith to walk in the fruit of the Spirit.. Its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a really shitty GPA of conversation that help! Friends, but Im not overweight with a plan together the answer and. Of punitive parenting practices and adolescent achievement, its cause for a celebratory dinner out projects tests. 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